the disability

My current health issues began with a small area of pain for which no cause could be found. I pushed on, not one to be waylaid by a bit of pain. But, it continued to grow in intensity, then spread to new areas, until life in general became impossible.

I have been through so many doctors, extensive testing, many chemical attempts to relieve the pain, even hypnosis. I still am no closer to an answer or a fix, although the pain clinic has me at a manageable level on most days. I can at least now sit up in a chair, shower, drive short distances. This is major progress. And, on the horizon, I am scheduled for even more testing at a world renowned diagnostic clinic, so there is hope.

I spent months of my life unable to talk, eat solid food, or do pretty much anything that would have contributed to a meaningful life. Then, as the medication began to improve my abilities to function, the depression set in.

It is no wonder that my marriage has suffered. I want my life back. More accurately, I want a new improved version of my life. So, I am on a journey.

beginnings

Where to begin? I am not a blogger - this is my first attempt.

I am in a phase of many transitions in my life, and all of my thoughts and feelings need to go somewhere. I will attempt to post them in some manner that makes sense, but I make no guarantees.

The catalysts for all this change in my life are twofold:

1) I have been on disability for over a year now, and am getting no closer to regaining my life.

2) My marriage is broken, and I am trying to determine if it is fixable, or even worth fixing.

My inspiration for choosing a blog as my outlet is 2amsomewhere. After reading the postings he wrote while going through the demise of his marriage, the personal growth he acchieved along the way is evident. I only hope that some day I'll read back over my postings and see the same type of growth.

So, whether anyone reads my ramblings or not, I am here, I am endeavoring to evolve, and I am lambent.