So, there's been so much going on and yet I feel I have nothing to write. My head is filled with chaos, tiny snippets of thought swirling around - seemingly incapable of connecting to form anything that might be coherent. I need to write, though. I know of no other effective way to forge those snippets into nuggets of wisdom, or at the very least truth. So, bear with me as I try.

The move back home for H has been fraught with drama. He is bringing his things home, ever so slowly. I believe he now has everything moved except for the large furniture items. However, it has been a slow, painful process for both of us. I wish I could understand his side of the process. I want to. But, my own emotional responses keep getting in the way of that understanding. We both are determined to stick it out, though, and work through the issues as they come up.

Yesterday was not good. Well, mostly not good, anyway. We did a fair amount of arguing, some of it pretty unhealthy. However, I wish to document what was good so that I might look back on it someday and remember this first. So, I woke up angry with him for something from the night before. When he contacted me by instant message I was being short and snippy with him. He asked me what was wrong. To which I responded, in the typical manner, "Oh, nothing". I did, however, come to the realization that this was my old way of avoiding confrontation. I took a moment to reflect on what I was really feeling, then I typed it out to him in the "when you do X it makes me feel Y" format. After which I went into an emotional duck and cover stance, waiting for him to reply with an attack. I waited maybe 5 minutes or so, then received a reply to the effect of "I hear you. I understand what you are saying. I would feel the same way if I were in your position." I was dumfounded. This had never happened before. It took a while for the true significance to sink in, though. We had both just put into practice the very things we had been working towards for so many weeks. It was beautiful. I wonder if we can do it again?

In other news, my two younger sons are gettled settled into the back to school routine. And, we got the oldest moved into his apartment at college. I don't think he fully realizes how fortunate he is to have been placed in this apartment instead of a regular dorm room. He shares it with one roommate, and they have their own bathroom and kitchen. So, we had to stock him up on all of the essentials like PopTarts and toilet paper. It is only a little over an hour's drive from here, but it feels as though he is so very far away.

I have been continuing to spend as much time online with IL as possible, although he has had a busy week as well. I miss him so much when we aren't able to have our nightly chats. He is such a fascinating and complex person, as well as being so darn sexy.

I did get a chance to spend a few moments on the phone with BF earlier this week. Again, he was able to gently walk me down an erotic path of fantasy, using his voice and his incredible talent for painting word pictures. This time, I believe, we acchieved simultaneous orgasms via the phone. That was so intense.

My other close online friend, we'll name him Mr P, has backed off somewhat from our relationship. He feels he needs to give me more space to work on things with H, is concerned that he might get in the way of that if we spend too much time chatting. I respect him for this, although I do so miss our time together. We email daily, though, and I refuse to let him back up too far. He has become quite important to me.